Thinking Into
by YaGirlKate
Summary: They've each been through tough times throughout their lives, now it's time for them to be there for each other. Lindstead and some Burgwater.
1. Chapter 1

A/N:there just aren't enough fics about Jay and Erin out there. I own nothing.

* * *

They were just sitting in the car after a drink at Molly's. Erin was dropping Jay off, but he wouldn't get out of the car. Instead, he just sat there and looked at her. He never thought about how close Erin was to Jules but they were the only women in the unit. They had bonded and now she left Erin to tell her husband, to hold her husband while he cried to her on the front steps while the two children were inside. Jay thought how Erin helped Jules' husband grieve, but who was going to help her?

"Hey Lindsay, why don't you come up stairs for a few?" He could see her processing this in her head. "Stop thinking so much into this, Jules just died I don't think we should be alone and we're partners."

"Alright, alright. No more booze though." She's already pretty buzzed and she wants to remember tonight. Or maybe only part of tonight, cause sitting with Jay in the car makes her feel different.

After parking the car, they walk up to the stairs of his apartment, but Erin tripped on some sidewalk that was turned up. She reached out for something, and felt someone's arms wrapping around her waist. Jay grabbed her and carried her bridal style up to his apartment.

"You know, your neighbors are going to think we got hitched." She barely slurred the words, but he could see the usual light in her eyes dimming, the red rings beginning to show again, the bags are more defined. He can tell she hasn't been sleeping, maybe the nightmares are back again. This girl has been through the ringer and he doesn't even know the beginning of it. Jay put her down once he opened the door and he watched as she stumbled onto the couch, smirking at her because she's funny tipsy. And she has needed this, they both have.

"Come 'ere Jay." He moved and sat on the other side of the couch. "You. You are one hell of a partner. I don't think I tell you that enough. Jules, she said she was going to buy me a beer tonight so she could know what happened between me and Voight." He just watched her, memorized the rasp of her voice, the way her curls frame her face, and the way she has those little dimples in her cheeks when she smiles. God that smile, and that laugh, and she's his partner but right now neither of them care. Erin had been moving closer to him as he was lost in her eyes, and then she had her hands cupping his face, moving in to close the distance between them. Jay just gave in 'who's thinking too much now,' he thought.

So he let her place her lips on his, he let his hands rest on her hips since she was straddling his and he kissed her back. Trying to forget everything, Diego, Jules, Voight, and just keep this memory forever. He squeezed her hips to let her know that he was right there with her, partners always. He felt a wetness on his cheeks, tasted the salt between their lips, felt Lindsay begin to shake, sobbing into his mouth. Jay couldn't stand to see her like this.

"Hey hey hey. It's okay to let your guard down every now and then." Jay held her head against his, looking straight into her eyes. "I'm here for you, alright?. And Jules? She'll always be with you. I'll always be here for you. No matter what." He placed a kiss on her forehead and carried her to his room. She just wanted to sleep in his arms, where she felt safe.

A/N: This might be a one-shot, but I'm not entirely sure yet.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: dont own anything!

Erin Lindsay opened her eyes at 3:15 in the morning, in a room that wasn't hers, with an arm slung around her waist. She sat up so quickly that she got slightly light-headed. Erin slipped out from under the mysterious arm and just stood at the foot of the bed, trying to catch her breath. She had a nightmare that instead of Jules being shot, it was Jay, and she doesn't know that scared the hell out of her. Soon after getting out of bed, she realized that the mysterious arm in bed, was Jay. And the unknown room, was also Jay's.

After noticing she could get another couple hours of sleep, she navigated her way around her partners room. Having crashed on his couch so many times before, she remembered where he kept his t-shirts. But what she didn't know, was that since she got out of bed, Jay had been watching her. Not creepily, just noticing how beautifully the moonlight made her look, even when she was an emotional wreck. Erin was over at his dresser, jeans and shirt discarded in the walk from the bed, clad in panties and her bra, she began to break down again. This time is wasn't sobbing, it was more like a panic attack.

Jay saw this and immediately jumped out of bed, "Hey, Lindsay," making sure to make her aware of his presence. "Erin," he said warily, "come here Er'." He kept his arms open letting her know he wasn't going to hurt her, that he was safe. Erin looked at him and gasped for air.

"No, no no Jay no. You're dead Jay. You died in my arms in that hallway today."

"No Erin, that wasn't me. That was Jules remember? I was outside with you when it happened. I'm okay. We caught Pulpo, remember? We got Diego back. After you talked to Voight, you just sat there on the back of the car and I stood infront of you." Slowly he reached out for her hands and held them both together. "Remember your hands were shaking, and I just stood between your legs holding your hands against my chest. Feel that? That's my heart beating. That's what tells you that I'm alive Erin." He let go and moved away to sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to make the first move. "I'm safe Erin. We're both safe now." She finally walked over to Jay, reaching out with one hand to touch his stubble. Almost to make sure that he really was there, and that this wasn't just art of her dream.

"Oh, Jay. I thought you died. I thought that you were dead Jay and I was so scared cause I didn't know where I was." She wrapped both of her arms around his neck and just stood there, hugging him, keeping them both grounded to reality. "Jay, promise me something?" He looked into her eyes and just nodded. "I know that this isn't a legitimate thing to ask of a cop, especially in our unit. But just promise me that you won't deliberately get yourself killed?" Unshed tears were pooling in her eyes.

"Lindsay, I promise you I will do my best." He smiled at her, and she let her hand trail down his arm to hold his hand as she stood there studying his face; his ruffled hair, his stubble, those crystal blue eyes. "Come 'ere," he patted the spot next to him. She sat down, still holding his hand, trying to trace all of the callous and lines. Jay wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and placed a kiss on her head. "Now, I think that we should get you some clothes for bed." He went back to the opened dresser where she was, grabbed a shirt that seemed big enough to cover her, and threw it at her, hitting her in the face.

"Hey!" Erin grabbed a pillow close to her and threw it at him, hitting him square in the chest. She started laughing, then he just stared at her. Sensing what was coming next, Erin ran out of the bedroom, sliding into the kitchen and ducking behind a cabinet. She could hear Jay's footsteps getting closer, so she grabbed the closest thing to her, a bottle of water, jumped up when he was close enough, threw it at him and ran away.

"ERIN!" The water had soaked through his shirt, and gotten his chest wet so he just took the shirt off and tossed it in the sink. Erin knew now-shirtless-Jay was going to be coming into the bedroom in a few seconds, so she stood in the corner, waiting for him. Jay turned the corner into his room and looked around. As soon as he looked behind him, Erin had him pinned to the bed. Her hands holding both of his by his head and her straddling his hips, she starts to laugh. She laughs so hard that she looses the grip on his hands and he flips them over. Holding her arms at the elbows with one of his legs between hers, he see her tongue swipe over her lips as she glances at his. She sees his bare, nicely sculpted chest and abs and bites her lip playfully. She wiggles her arms free, hooks her fingers into the two front bell hoops, and pulls him on top of her. Their lips crashing together, less tentative than the first time, she runs her hands up his chest and into his hair. He has one arm holding his weight off of her, and the other under her back, lifting her towards him. He breaks apart long enough to catch a breath and look at her.

"Hey, are you sure this is what you want? Or is this because of Jules and your nightmare?" Jay wanted this so badly that he wanted it to be real.

"Look at me Jay. Yes the nightmare triggered all of this. But if it was anyone else, I wouldn't be as scared because I don't care about them like I care about you. You're different Jay, you're safe for me." Erin looked into his eyes, "I want you Jay." She kissed him again, passionately this time, wanting this to last for as long as it can.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: still don't own any of this

This time Jay woke up first, with Erin tucked into his side. He managed to slip away long enough to make a pot of coffee and some eggs. He nearly jumped for his gun when he felt a pair of arms slide around his waist.

"Good morning Halstead." He felt her place a kiss on his back, between his shoulder blades. She stretched one arm to the pan of eggs. "Who knew you could actually cook real food."

"Good mornin, and you would if you ever accepted my invitations. Now stop, cause I think that you can wait five more minutes." He started hitting her with the spatula. And after shutting the stove off he turned around to finally see her. No make up, no fancy hair, just her standing there in his shirt with bed head. They finished eating and Jay was about to get dressed when Erin pinned him against the counter.

"So can we stop by my place before shift?" Her body pressed up against his. "I need some new clothes."

"Why? I think you look pretty good in that." He kissed her forehead and she kept her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She was still trying to convince herself that this wasn't her dream.

"See you may think so, but if Voight saw me and put two and two together, you might be in some deep trouble with him." She took in his smell and pushed him towards the bedroom. "Go get dressed! Or we'll be late." He grabbed her hand and pulled her into him, kissing her quickly.

* * *

"We're going in blind, no doors, no windows. Be cautious of the corners." Voight didn't like them going in like this, especially Lindsay. "Halstead and Lindsay, you two take the back door. Al and Ruzek you take the side door. Antonio you're with me. Stay safe." Jay felt like Voight knew something, but he couldn't, right? They carpool all the time, she changed her outfit, and checked him for lipstick and/or any other marks. So when Voight came up to him he got slightly paranoid. "Hey kid, you got Lindsay's back right? Cause you know that she's like a daughter to me."

"Of course I do. Erin's my partner Voight. I'd never leave her without backup." Partner. Best friend. Girl friend?

The car ride to the warehouse was natural. She drove, he complained, she laughed, he stared in amazement. The way she laughed at everything he said, he didn't know if he was actually funny or if she was just trying to flirt with him.

"So Voight isn't your secret dad right?"

"No, Jay, he is not my secret dad. Why? Did he threaten to 'show you his gun collection'?" She said this laughing, but Jay didn't see anything funny about it. He had basically told him that Erin was the daughter he never had and he wouldn't let her get hurt again.

"N-no, just making sure you're not keeping a secret from me. Like I said, we've been partners long enough that we should be honest with each other, so I think we need to talk about last night."

"What do you mean talk about last night?"

"I mean I think we need to figure out what this is, if it really is

." He watched her listening to him, thinking this through in her head. Probably making a pros and cons list about each and every way that she could get hurt, and how this is unprofessional.

"Okay." She said as they pulled up to the warehouse. "Okay we'll talk. Tonight. My place. Bring a change of clothes in case this goes well," she jokes, cracking a smile at him.

* * *

The hit went fine, well almost fine. Lindsay split from Jay to check an unknown side room where the suspect was apparently hiding. The suspect jumped out from the corner of the room, and attacked her. Jay heard Lindsay yelling, fighting back, two gunshots, then nothing. There were so many different scenarios running through his mind as he sprinted towards her scream. He turned into the room, clearing the side aisles, finally finding her in the back. There was blood seeping through her shirt around her shoulder while she sat slouched against the wall, suspect with a single bullet to the chest at least two feet away from her.

"ERIN!" He ran up to her. "Hey look at me. Come 'ere, you need to get to the hospital. This could be serious, you must be in so much-" He was cut off by her kissing him. He was so scared that this was going to be like Jules, but he kissed her back. Deepening the kiss, he held the back of her neck, only being distracted by the sound of someone clearing their throat.

"What the hell is happening here?!" Voight started yelling, attracting Antonio, Ruzek and Alvin. "Erin, come on i'll bring you to the hospital."

"No, Voight I want Jay to take me."

"Fine, but I'll be by later to talk to you." Pausing to stare down Jay. "

The ride to the hospital was nerve-racking. "Jay? Jay slow down." He was going 15 over the speed limit. "Jay this is why I always drive," she says jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

"Well Erin incase you haven't noticed you got shot! You got shot and it's my fault! You could have died back there Erin!" He begins to slow down to a stop sign, letting his hands slide down to his lap. "Do you know what I would have done if you died?" She takes his hand in hers and places it over her heart.

"Do you feel that? That is my heart, beating, because I'm alive. That feeling. That thumping is what helped me sleep last night Jay. Last night was the best sleep that I've had in a while." Jay just kept staring at her, taking in shallow, shakey breaths.

"Voight's gunna kill me. Isn't he?"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N:I know that these updates are really quick but they wont always be like this

still dont own anything

Lindsay was taken into room to get looked at and even though Jay was her partner, he wasn't family or her next of kin, so he had to wait in the waiting room. He sat in the corner chair,(corner because it had the vantage point to see the door to Lindsay's room and to the front doors), waiting for someone to tell him she was going to be okay. But instead, he caught Voight out of the corner of his eye. So Jay stood up, preparing to get his ass handed to him.

"Hey Halstead! What happened to never leaving her without backup?" Hank was going nose to nose with Jay and neither wanted to cause a scene.

"Voight, calm down. She said it didn't hurt that much and she isn't de-"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence. She said it doesn't hurt because she's had worse hurt than that before. And don't you tell me to calm down. That should be you!" He started pointing towards Lindsay's room. At this point most of the people in the waiting room looked up to watch the scene. Including Erin, who was watching from the doorway. "You should be the one with a bullet in your shoulder! Not her! You should have been there protecting her not kissing her better!"

"Hank!" Erin has had enough of this. "This is my fault, so don't blame this on Jay! I split up from him in the warehouse without telling him. He was finishing clearing his part of the back like you told him too!"

"Erin don't defend him like you love him! This is his fault, a good partner never leaves their partner's side."

"Maybe I do! And Jay's a great partner. He was there for me after Jules died! Where were you, Hank? Because Jay was there when I needed him most." Erin could feel the tears burning to fall from her eyes. "He never left me." Erin grabbed Jay's hand and pulled him towards the doors, muttering something like can we just go home? Jay nodded and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Erin he's no different than the other guys from your old life." Voight didn't think that they could hear him, but Erin did. She dropped Jay's hand and walked straight up to Voight, sending a hard left hook to his jaw.

"Jay's a better man than any of them." She leaned over to whisper to him, "maybe I do love him. Who knows." And then she walked away, leaving Voight clutching his jaw and Jay amazed by what he just saw.

They got in the car and just sat there, until Jay broke the silence. "What did the doctors say?" He didn't even notice her arm was in a sling until they got in the car.

"Bullet somehow missed all of the major arteries and bones. They want me out of the field for week at least, and to keep the sling on." She couldn't even look him in the eye. "Listen, none of this is your fault Jay. I never told you that I saw the closet which was stupid on my part. But I'm not Jules here. You and me, we're both okay in the end." She held his hand while he started the car. "Can I stay at your place again?" She gave him her best puppy dog eyes.

"Of course you can. Let's stop at your place for some clothes and stuff."

* * *

Jay was sitting on the edge of his bed when Erin came in. She climbed on the bed and sat behind him, wrapping her good arm around his chest and resting her head on his shoulder.

"We really need to talk about this Erin." He felt her take a deep breath. "I just need to know what you want out of this."

"I want you," she whispered so close into his ear he nearly got chills. "I want this all the time. I want waking up with you and coffee and eggs in the morning. I don't care what Voight thinks about this, because this isn't about him. This is about us. If you want there to be an us." She almost held her breath waiting for his answer.

"Why wouldn't I want this? I know a good thing when I see it." He couldn't help himself. She is the reason why he never called back any of those women. She slapped his chest lightly, making him dramatically fall back onto her, squishing her into the bed. Neither of them could stop laughing.

Eventually, after hours of them just laughing, they fell asleep. Only this time it was Jay who had a nightmare. Jay started to yell out in his sleep at noone in general. But it wasn't the yelling that woke Lindsay up, it was the fact that his whole body started to shake. She didn't know if this was a seizure or some PTSD thing so she just sat there talking to him.

"It's okay Jay. You need to wake up now. You're safe Jay it's okay." She shut her eyes for a moment, and he hit her hard in chest. She cried out, gasping for air and he finally woke up.

"Hey? What's wrong?" Jay didn't know why she was gasping for air. After a few minutes, she caught her breath and sat away from him on the bed. "Erin you're starting to scared me."

"Jay. Were you just having a nightmare or something?"

"No why? Was i yelling in my sleep?"

"It started with yelling. Then you started to shake. And.." She didn't want to tell him what happened if he didn't remember.

"And what?"

"And you hit me." She saw his facial expression change. Tears started to pool up in both of their eyes. "I just closed my eyes for a second to try to get your breathing equal to mine, and you hit me in the chest." Tears started rolling down his face. She tried to reach out for him, but he moved away from her reach.

"I thought it was a dream. I didn't known it was you I hit. I'm so sorry Erin I never wanted to hurt you. I thought these dreams stopped a while ago."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:still don't own any of them...with the exception of Zack(who might make an appearance in a later chapter)

Lindsay just watches him walk away from her. She was worried about him. He had a nightmare and he was hiding it from her. She doesn't care that he hurt her, she just wants to know he's okay. She hears the front door open and close, Erin leans back against his pillow, knowing he needs some time.

She wakes up a few hours later to a note on the other pillow.

_Erin-_

_I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'll be back soon, or later I'm not really sure yet. I just need to talk to an old friend. I need to fix myself, get better, for you._

_I'm sorry. - Love Jay_

Erin takes the note in her hand, throws on the t shirt Jay was wearing yesterday and walks out to the kitchen for some coffee. She wasn't expecting a strange man to be sitting in his living room.

"Who the hell are you?" Lindsay starts to make her way behind the counter to 1. Get the spare gun he keeps in the cupboard and 2. Cover her from the thighs down since she failed to put on pants.

"I'm Zack, me and Jay served together." Yeah this guy looked like a soldier, the way he stood, his facial expression, just like Jay's. "Who are you?"

"Erin Lindsay. Me and Jay are partners." Is that all they were.

"Yeah, he talks about you alot. Some partnership ya got there." Cracking a fake smile that was all to similar to Jay's.

"Do you know where he went? He just left in the middle of the night."

"Yeah, some older guy came over asking for you. Halstead told him to leave you alone, then he walked him out about five or ten minutes ago. I'm guessing he's your dad?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Voight knew to come here for me. And Jay still wasn't back yet. "Did Jay tell you why he left in the middle of the night?" Zack shook his head. "He had this nightmare, and it could have been anything. But he was shaking and thrashing around in his sleep, and he hit me accidentally. But when I told him this he said 'not again'."

"Jay went through a rough time his first tour. His team was wiped out in front of him, saw the whole thing and couldn't have helped them. He was the only survivor. Me and him did two tours together after. Every time we got a chance to sleep, he would literally scream himself awake. One night he fell asleep and started screaming, I ran over to him to shake him and he hit me with a right hook to the side of the head." Lindsay thought that his nightmare was about her getting shot, but it was probably the war.

"I'm going to call his cell, he shouldn't have been gone this long." She started to get worried, because she knew Jay and Hank were both protective and the both had a temper. She heard a familiar ringing coming from outside the window. She looked out to see Jay, just sitting on the curb. Erin dropped the phone and ran out, Zack in tow, to find out what was happening.

"JAY!" Jay just looked up and Erin felt her heart drop. His lip was busted open. His hoodie was on the ground, leaving his bare chest covered in blood from what looked like a broken nose. Erin knelt on the street in front of him, both her hands on his biceps.

"Oh my god. Jay did Voight do this to you?" She could feel the tears burning her eyes.

"I'm fine Lindsay."

"Jay, you're anything but fine. Your nose is most likely broken, you need to go to the hospital." Two trips in less than 24 hours, seems like a new record for them. "Come on, Zack will drive us, just let me get real clothes on."

Erin ran inside before Jay could say no again, threw on some sweatpants and sneakers, grabbed a shirt and towel for Jay and they were in the car enroute to the hospital. Zack drove, Erin was in the backseat with Jay trying to clean some blood off of him.

"God Jay, just tell me who did this. I know Voight had something to do with it."

"He told me that I'm not good enough for you." This caught Erin's attention, since Voight knew all about her past. "He said that I'll never be good enough and you'll never love me, and it's my fault that you could have been killed. And it is my fault, I should have had your back it's just that being back there. Hearing the gunshots and not knowing where you were, I haven't been scared like that since.." She knew this was painful, and she knew Zack was listening. So she finished for him.

"Since the war? Zack told me what happened, and it's okay Jay. You didn't hurt me, and you won't because we can work through this. Because I still need you, and it's okay for you to need someone every once in a while. Hearing what you went through, it makes you stronger. And Voight? Screw him, because I think that I'm falling in love with you Jay." She kissed his forehead, because she didn't want to hurt him anymore.

Once he was checked in, Zack left telling him to call later. And when they finally called Jay's name, he fought every person so she could sit with him in the room, eventually there she was, holding his hand like a little boy. An hour later, they walked out looking like a couple who had been to hell and back, her in a sling and him with the fat lip and nose splint.

"Hey Jay?" She grabbed him arm to stop him, "You know that you can talk to be about anything? Even if you don't think I'll understand, sometimes it's just nice to have someone listening." Jay stared into her eyes, got real close and whispered, i know. He pulled her in for a quick kiss. Erin felt tears between them, much like their first night together, and pulled back to see him crying. He leaned his head on her shoulder, crying into the shirt she was wearing, while she rubbed small circles in him back. He finally pulled back to look at her, taking a deep breath, he asked her a question that will always break her heart to hear him say.

"What's wrong with me Erin? Why can't I do anything right?"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I hate waiting for a new episode..it kinda kills me

Still own nothing

* * *

They both took a few days off, decided they need it. He still had nightmares and she would wake him up. Sometimes he wouldn't sleep because he was too afraid he would hurt her again. So he would lie there with her, tracing little patterns on her skin. Then he would get out of bed and just sit on the fire escape drinking coffee so he couldn't sleep.

One night Erin found him out there. He was writing in a book, she always saw it but never asked about it. Then she saw him start to shake and she heard him crying, but she knew he needed this. He needed to just get it all out without worrying about being strong. So she sat there, under the window sill and just listened to him. After a while she heard him stand up and just scream, at noone, everyone and everything. And it was moments like this that reassured her why she fell in love with him. He was strong even when he didn't have to be, even when it could kill him. Just then, the window slide open again, Jay saw the empty bed and began to panic.

"Erin?" He ran out to the kitchen. "Erin!" He stood in the middle of the apartment trying not to have a panic attack. Then he whispered to himself, "please tell me you didn't leave. I love you Erin where are you?" Jay went back to the bedroom and saw her sitting on the floor. He ran over and just held her close. "I love you Erin. I think I have for a while and just couldn't come to terms with it. Please dont leave, I'll get better I promise." Erin kissed him, rubbed her hands down his sides. When she broke away she hugged him.

"You're prefect Jay. You don't need to get better. That's why I love you too." They both fell asleep on the floor, no nightmares.

* * *

Eventually they went back to work. They were the same as before, just a little bit closer. And it felt like Voight's eyes were always on Jay. Antonio asked them what happened, and neither of them really knew how to answer it, until they switched up teams and Lindsay was with Antonio, and Jay had to stay back.

"So what happened between you two. Cause the last time I remember seeing you, you were shot and kissing Halstead with Voight yelling. And you both take off the same days and now a week later Halstead comes in with a partiality broken nose?"

"We're kinda dating I guess." Antonio nearly slams on the brakes. "And I think Voight's the one who hurt Jay."

"How long have you-"

"Well," she knew Antonio was like a brother so he wouldn't was to hear the next part. "We slept together a week or two ago. For the first time." Erin couldn't help but laugh when he made a face towards her. "But seriously though. He's good for me and I'm good for him. He has some small PTSD symptoms but he's starting to talk about it and it helps."

"PTSD huh." She nods her head. "Is that what the bruises are from?" He's not joking around anymore.

"Antonio you don't get it. He doesn't know he's dreaming. He thinks he's actually in the war still. It takes him a while to get his head straight."

"Erin you don't get it! You're family to me and he hit you. Dream or not I don't care."

"Well he's family to me. And he's sick. He wakes up screaming. And that's if he even falls asleep because most of the time he's scared to fall asleep so he'll wait until I do and then he'll drink coffee and sit outside." Antonio can clearly see she's struggling with all of this.

"Hey, maybe he just needs to get a drink. Ill take him out and you go out with some girl friends." This made Antonio think that she maybe didn't have any after Jules.

"Okay I'll tell him." She placed her hand on his arm. "Thank you." He just smiled at her and nodded.

That night Erin told Jay he should go out with Antonio and get a drink. Maybe calm him down a bit if he drank with someone he wasn't in a relationship with.

"Jay just go!"

"Why Erin? He probably hates me for dating you anyways. He's gunna treat me like Voight did."

"Hey," Erin sat down on the couch with him. "Noone will treat you like he did. I'll make sure of that. And since Voight happened, Atwater has another party, and Ruzek's engaged. The only person besides Antonio is Olinsky."

"Oh god. Fine, anyone but Olinsky. But you have to go out too. I know Jules was your closest girl friend but go out with Burgess or something."

* * *

That night Erin had Burgess over for a couple of drinks in Jay's apartment (mainly because thats where she's been staying). Burgess looks around and notices that the only pictures that Erin's in are a few with Jay.

"So I'm going to take a guess and say that this isnt your apartment?"

"No it's Jay's." Kim gives her a funny look. "Halstead. We're kinda together and I haven't really been home to grocery shop."

"You seem like you need to talk about it."

Erin gets them each a beer and sits down with her. "He was in the war, and he shows the obvious signs of PTSD. The nightmares are the worst part because he doesn't think he's home, he still thinks he's over there. And it scares me because he won't talk to me about it. You and Atwater are partners, have been for a while right?" Burgess nods.

"Let me guess. You guess are friends, good friends. You go out for drinks, those parties he throws. You hang out a lot together, go over after a tough day, talk about it over a drink, crash on his couch after too many?" Burgess just nodded, knowing Erin wasn't done yet. "That was me and Jay. After Jules, it felt like noone was there for me to lean on, except for him. Him and Voight are the only family I have. So do yourself a favor, and decide whether or not you would be able to handle a relationship with someone who puts their life on the line everyday." Burgess stays for another hour, couple more drinks, and catches a cab home.

Meanwhile, Antonio and Jay go out to Molly's. Jay is still reserving himself, slowly closing in on himself. He was barely even listening to Antonio talk, but his attention was grabbed when he mentioned Lindsay.

"What about Erin?"

"Oh," Antonio started laughing. "It's Erin now?" The smile dropped from Jay's face. "I'm kidding Halstead, she told me everything."

"Oh, everything?" Jay began to get worried, sensing that Antonio knew about what happened the other night. "How much would everything be?"

"I know about you two being together, the thing with Voight, the dreams." He saw Halstead sigh deeply. "Hey man, it's okay to ask for help sometimes. And if you don't think you can talk to Lindsay because you're together, I'm here for you. She's family to me, you're family to her. We're just a big, friggin messed up family." They both try laughing it off, knowing this is a lot for both of them to handle. And Jay knows that Antonio won't drop it, so he plasters a fake smile on his face.

"Yo thanks man. Sorry if she forced you to come out here. I think she's worried that I don't have any friends."

"Whoa, Halstead who said we were friends." This time, Jay laughed cause he knew that Antonio genuinely cared.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I feel like i'm running out of a storyline so if you guys have anything you think should be in here P.M me! and i'm sorta running along with the timeline of the show

still don't own it..

* * *

It's the twentieth when he finally tells her about his brother, Tommy. About how seven years ago their neighbor hit him with a car and left him in the street to die. Dumping the car so it couldn't be traced back to hitting the eight year old boy. Dumping the car so he couldn't get convicted, and it worked. The guy got five years probation, no jail time. And Jay's family? The only thing they got was heartbreak. Jay tells her that he was afraid he would kill the neighbor, so he enlisted. To take it out on the people who actually deserved it.

"Do you have any pictures of him?" He gets up from where they were sitting in bed to get his wallet. Returning mere seconds later with two, worn out pictures.

The first one was the two of them, Jay couldn't have been any older than 17. He was picking up a boy who she assumed was Tommy, who couldn't have been more than four or five years old.

He had the same crystal blue eyes that Jay had. Shaggy hair, darker than Jay's, but he had just as many freckles as Jay. Erin's never seen Jay that happy, and she doesn't think that she ever will again.

The second picture was just Tommy standing in what must have been their backyard. He was standing on top of a patio table, flexing his biceps and laughing. Now she understands why Jay is the way he is.

"God Jay, he's beautiful." She grabs his hand to hold.

"Was. He was beautiful. He's gone now." He felt her squeeze his hand as a remind that she is here for him.

"He's always going to be beautiful, Jay. Just like he's always going to be with you, even if he isn't here here." He gave her a tight lipped smile.

"I want you to come with me tomorrow. To my parents house. I usually don't stay long because my dad doesn't like to be reminded of Tommy, but I bet my mom would love to meet you. I mean if you don't want to go it's fine. I just thought that since you as-." Jay's words were muffled as Erin pressed her lips against his.

"Hey, stop blabbering. I'll go, I can't wait to meet them." And for the first time in a while, Jay genuinely smiled at her.

* * *

"Erin, are you ready yet?" Once again they had to stop at Lindsay's apartment for new clothes. This got Jay thinking that they should take the next step.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming."

"This is starting to become a hassle, you know?" Jay didn't really know how he was going to ask her, but he couldn't scare her away.

"Yeah? And what are you gunna do about it?" They were outside, getting into the car, when he kind of rush out his next sentence.

"Maybe we could move in together?" He held his breath, hoping that she wouldn't shoot him.

"Move in together?"

"Just putting an idea out there, not forcing you into anything. It's just that we've been dating for a couple weeks. We already have keys for each other's apartments. And you have basically been living at mine. I know it may seem kind of rushed, that's why I'm just putting it out there."

"Move in together." This time when she said it, it was more to see how it sounded. Erin looked down at her feet and smiled, blushed a little, biting her lip like a little school girl. She nodded then look at Jay. "Let's do it." Neither of them had stopped smiling the whole ride.

* * *

"Hey mom," Jay hugged a small, red-haired woman.

"Oh, Jay. I've missed you." The woman cups his cheeks and kisses his forehead.

"Ah mom, this is Detective Erin Lindsay. She's my partner."_ Partner._ Clearly the hurt shows on her face. "And my girlfriend. I thought it would be nice for you to meet her." He finished smiling.

"Hello, it' so nice to meet you Mrs. Halstead." Erin goes to shake her hand, but instead gets bone crushing hug.

"It's so nice to finally meet you. Jay talks about you so much." Erin couldn't stop smiling. They walked further into their home when she saw a man sitting at the kitchen table. He was just staring at a chocolate frosted cake that sat on the table, completely untouched.

"Hey Danny. It's good to see you." Jay made his way over to the man to shake his hand.

"Hi Jay." Danny spotted Erin and just looked from her to Jay then back to her.

"Danny, this is Erin, my girlfriend." Erin went over to shake his hand.

"It's nice to meet you Danny." Danny just looked at her outstretched hand, got up, and left the room. Erin looked over at Jay, giving him a look like _what did I do?_ Jay just shook his head saying _it's not your fault._

Erin went to sit down, and Jay pulled out the chair for her. She gave him a small smile. He went over and pulled out a chair for his mom, finally sitting between the two. His mom began to talk about Tommy to Erin. Funny stories about the two growing up, Erin could see that Jay was hurting from this so she held his hand on the table.

"Jay showed me a picture of Tommy. He was so beautiful." Jay had a small smile on his face, hoping his mother would be happy about Erin knowing. "I hope that was okay, I don't mean to intrude."

"Oh no honey, it's quite alright. Actually I'm happy that Jay told you about Tommy, it's the first time he's talked about him to anyone." They both sent a look over to Jay.

Jay and Erin stayed there for about twenty more minutes, each having some cake, bringing some extra back to Jay's place.

* * *

"She's sweet. I can see the resemblance between you two." Back in the car, he smiled at her. "So that's where you get all these freckles." Jay starts to laugh when lightly slaps his cheek.

"Yeah, she's an angel. Sorry about Danny though. He takes today pretty hard. Him and Tommy, they were so close. They always had a relationship that I wish I could have had."

"Thank you Jay."

"For what?"

"Opening up and welcoming me into your family. For telling me about Tommy. It means a lot." They're still sitting in the car outside of her apartment. "Come 'ere." She opens her arms so he can hug her, but it turns out to be more awkward because of the console between them. He kissed her temple and held her close.

"Wait, why are we at your place?" Jay hesitated getting out of the car, while Erin got to the door.

"I do live here you know," Erin told him as she waited for him him to make his way to the door. She watched the way he touched his hair to make sure it looked okay, and how he scratched his stubble.

"No I know that. It's just that you never come here." He felt her watching him.

"Well I figured we could change it up. And I stole so many of your clothes that you have atleast three days worth of sweatpants, shirts, clean boxers, and sweatshirts." He started to shake his head at her.

"So that's why I don't have any of my favorite sweats?" He pinned her between himself and her door. Pressing his chest against hers, his hips grinding into hers, their lips only a breath apart.

"Mhm," she giggled, Fearless Detective Erin Lindsay actually giggled. "Maybe."

"Oh maybe huh?" She started laughing when he kissed her neck and his stubble tickled her cheek. She fumbled with the keys to get in, eventually making their way to her bedroom. Only leaving after a few hours to eat the rest of that chocolate cake.

A/N: I might be taking a break for a day or two just to get back on track with school, but ill keep writing and post a few chapters in a couple of days!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N1: still dont own them

They spent the next couple of days lounging around her apartment. But then at 5:30 Monday morning, they realized that they had to return to work. Jay was leaning against the headboard, knees bent with Erin in front of him leaning against his chest.

"Hey babe?" Erin tilted her head back to talk to Jay. "You haven't had a nightmare all weekend." Jay looked down at her.

"Huh. You're right. I guess I sleep better here than in my own place." He wasn't lying to Erin, he hadn't had a nightmare for a couple of days. "I think maybe it was because that was my home when I came back from war. So that was where I brought all the evils that came back with me." He laced their fingers together and rested them on her stomach and kissed head head. "Erin," he started whispering against her head. "We have to go to work today."

"I know." Erin started rubbing small patterns into the palm of his hand. "Why don't you take me car back to your place so you can get some work clothes." She tried to turn her head to see his reaction. Giving it a couple seconds to register in his mind.

"Wait. Are you being serious? You're actually going to let me drive?" She nodded against his chest, laughing at how he can be so immature sometimes.

* * *

Twenty minutes later he was sitting outside her apartment.

"Alright. Joy ride time is over."

"Are you kidding me just let me drive to the station?"

"No because. 1 you never drive so people would think it's weird I let you now. And 2 it's my car!" He gave her an unconvincing look. "Everyone would be suspicious! Do you really think we need that right now?"

"I dont know." They're taking a big step. "I mean they have always been your family, I think that maybe we should tell them. Or at least Voight and Antonio. Forgetting what happened with Voight, he has been family to you for 13 years. And Antonio is like a brother to both of us." Erin stilled looked unsure to letting them know. "And we will probably need help moving."

"Alright. But just Voight and Antonio. Ruzek and Olinsky have no right. Besides Olinsky probably knew before you even asked me."

"Yeah he's weird like that." She nodded in agreement. "So that means I can drive now, right?" She almost doubles over in laughter, poor kid. "So how about this. You can tell Voight and I'll tell Antonio? Okay. Great."

"Not so fast. No we're telling them together."

* * *

They walk into the bullpen, putting their stuff down at their respective desks and sit. Erin sees that Voight is already in his office, and Antonio is in the break room getting coffee, Jay notices the same. Erin headed towards Voight's office, not shutting the door, just standing against the frame. While Jay went into the break room to bring Antonio into Voight's with them.

Antonio stood next to Voight behind the desk with Jay and Erin facing them, backs to the door. She could feel Jay getting jumpy, shaky, so she thought it would be good for her to start.

"So, you're in here because I have something to tell you." She looked over at Jay, "Well we have something to tell you."

"Oh God," Voight interrupted. "He got you pregnant Erin, didn't he? Swear to God Halstead, I told you to back off. I said stay aw-" This was already going worse than Erin could have possibly thought.

"Hey Hank no. I'm not pregnant." She saw everyone sigh in relief. "But we are dating. And Jay thought that since you were my family, he thought that you should know we will be moving in together." Honestly, Antonio was the only one who looked generally happy, walking over to pat Jay on the back and hug Lindsay. He started to walk away when she grabbed his arm and gave him a

kind of look.

Voight was staring down Jay. It had been moments since Erin made the announcement, and neither of them has since spoken. Not knowing how to go on about this, Erin put her hand on Jay's forearm, whispering something into his ear. Antonio was ready to make a move on Voight when he saw him tense up, but Jay walked out. Erin gave Antonio a nod saying that she would be okay.

"What the hell, Lindsay?"

"I could be asking you the same thing." She waited to see if he would calm down, but he didn't look like he was going to. "You told him to back off? To stay away from me? I bet that you're the one who beat him up, or at least ordered someone to do it." He looked guilty. "Hank, I love Jay. And I know that you think of me as your own daughter, but I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions, and Jay is one of the better ones I've made."

Voight nodded his head, trying to make some sense of it. "Okay kid. But I swear to God if he hurts you, that counts as going over my head." Erin nodded mocking him.

"It'll be the last head you ever go over. Yeah, I know." She stared him down a little longer, trying to break him. Until he finally cracked a smiled.

"Come 'ere kiddo." He opened his arms, and she accepted the hug. "I'm happy for ya, I really am."

A little bit later, Erin asked Antonio where Jay was, he pointed towards the locker room but gave a wary look. She made her way to the door, carefully listening for him. And the she heard it. Those gasps for air that she had become familiar with. She slammed the door open and dropped to the ground where Jay was against the wall. Rocking with this head between his knees, trying and failing to catch his breath.

"Jay. Look at me. You are fine, okay? I'm okay and you're okay." She was kneeling next to him, holding his head to her chest so he could listen to her heartbeat, rocking with him. "Jay, you need to calm down. Okay? Breath in and out." He tried to follow what she was saying. "Yeah Jay just like that. In and out. In and out."

Soon enough his breathing slowed, his heart stopped feeling like it was going to explode, and he realized where he was. He pushed himself away from Erin to get a wet paper towel, cooling himself down.

"Jay, what was that?" It was the same reaction as the nightmares, but he was awake.

"That was an anxiety attack." He leaned against the sink, not even able the look into the mirror. "Erin, he caused my attack. The way he was looking at me, it brought me back to the war. And I could picture him seriously hurting me. Or worse, you. I don't know what I would do if someone hurt you." He still couldn't look in the mirror, scared to see what it was reflecting.

"Jay, look at me." Erin got up from the ground. Putting an arm around his back, she leaned against him. "He would never hurt me. And I know you wouldn't let anyone hurt me." They'll looked at each other in the mirror. "I love you Jay." He gave her a small smile and nod.

"I know. I love you too."

A/N2:Sorry this update took so long I'm struggling with the story!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I don't own anything

It's been two weeks since they told Voight and Antonio. Two weeks since Jay's panic attack. And two weeks since Erin's spoken to Voight about anything besides work. They were going to ask him and Antonio to help move her into his place, but they both agreed that it wasn't a good idea. So when she asked Antonio to help he couldn't have been happier to say yes.

"Hey man," Jay brought Antonio a beer to where he was sitting in the hallway. "Thank you, for everything. I feel like I've been going through hell with Voight and I'm just dragging her down with me." They both look at Erin, who was dancing to the radio while she was unpacking some clothes. "She's the best thing that's happened to me in a while. And for a second I thought that I was going to lose her to Voight." Antonio put a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you kidding me? The looks that she gives you, the way she smiles at you and laughs at your awful jokes? She's completely in love with you." They both start laughing.

"Hey! Get off your asses and come help me!" Jay and Antonio looked at each other and then at the big box that once held her clothes. Jay ran over to her and picked her up by her waist. He carried her over to the box where Antonio was holding it, put her in it and taped it shut. "Jay! Dawson! What the hell!" Both of the men doubled over in laughter. Erin could see them through the hole in the side. She was happy to see Jay laughing and having a good time, even if she was stuck in the box. She felt the box start shaking, and then it tipped over, leaving Erin laying on her side in the box.

They were all having a good time, when they heard a knock on the door frame. Jay turned around with the smile still on his face. The smile dropped as soon as he saw who was standing in the hall, Hank Voight. Erin contemplated getting out of the box, but she wanted to see what would happen if Voight didn't think she was there.

"Halstead, I came by to apologize. Even though I think of Erin as my own doesn't mean I have the right to hurt someone who is good in her life." Jay understood, Voight lost Justin and he can't lose Erin too. "But just because I'm okay with it doesn't mean you two can be sneaking off to the locker room together." Antonio laughed as he saw Jay get red with embarrassment. "Where is she, anyways?"

Jay and Antonio looked at each other, then the box, and back at each other. Once the box began to move, they both backed away. Voight became increasingly curious every time it moved. He walked over to it as the other two walked further and further away. Voight ripped the tape off of the top as Erin kicked it open.

"About damn time. I thought I was going to be stuck in there forever." Voight gave a look to Jay.

"I swear, she was only in there for a few minutes. At the most!"

* * *

A few days later after unit wrapped up a case, they went to Molly's for a drink. Jay and Erin sat together in a booth, talking to Burgess and Atwater. Jay went to get another beer for him and Erin, as did Atwater.

"So? Did you take my advice Burgess?" Erin was curious to see how their partnership went.

"I did." Burgess deeply sighed. "I've decided that I would be able to handle it." Her gaze wander over to Atwater laughing at Jay, and it didn't go unnoticed by Erin. "I've decided that I want it bad enough that it would be worth it. Being with him everyday, knowing when he's okay, knowing when he's had a bad day. I can still be the person he can come to at the end of the day, and that makes it worth it. Right?" Erin nodded at her, knowing exactly how she feels.

"Right."

"I just need to put it all out there."

"No time like the present."

Both men make their way back over. Jay hands Erin a beer, he puts his arm around her shoulders and she leans closer against his shoulder, watching the other couple. Atwater gives Burgess her beer, she takes it with one hand, the other goes to rest on top of his arm. Atwater just glances down at her hand, slightly smiles to noone in particular and slips her hand into his.

Jay is completely oblivious to everything in front of him. Erin, however, thinks that this is a nice step forward for them. She smiles at Burgess who is just staring at Atwater, leaning against his much bigger arms. They both looked into the other's eyes and just smile. Erin realizes she seems creepy staring at them.

"Alright guys, we're going home, it's been a long day." Jay gets up and does one of the hand-shake-pulled-into-a-hug-things to Atwater as Erin gives Burgess a hug. Leaning in and whispering, "he's waiting for you to make a move first." Burgess nods and smiles, thanking her for the advice.

Jay and Erin walk out hand in hand.

"We're going home. I like the sound of that." Jay smiles at her. "And I think I could get used to it." She looks up to him and smiles even giggles a bit.

"Good. Cause I'm not going anywhere any time soon." He leans back against the car, bringing her back with him. He kisses her lightly, but makes it last. Nothing passionate just his beer stained lips against her lipstick covered ones.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N:I'm going to keep putting Burgess and Atwater in some chapters because I feel like they're overlooked.

typical disclaimer

* * *

Everyone is sitting in the bullpen when Olinsky finally speaks his mind.

"You two," he motions to Erin and Jay. "There's something going on here." Jay looks at Erin, she looks to Voight who in turn is watching both of them. Something that he does more in recent days. Antonio is watching Jay, who is becoming increasingly nervous under Olinsky's stare. And Ruzek, he's watching the whole scene unfold.

"Alvin, seriously? Me and him?" Erin wants to see what he knows. "Alright I'll bite. What's your reasoning?"

"The looks. They're different than they used to be. They're longing. These are like you haven't seen each other in weeks even though you carpool everywhere." Everyone was interested now.

"And he drives now sometimes," she sends a glare towards Jay. "And you touch him more," which makes Voight also send a glare to Jay. "Not weird it's in a comforting way, just like you're making sure he's still here. Keeping him grounded."

She nods and looks over at Antonio. He shrugs, knowing what she's about to do. She laughs in response and turns to Jay sitting on the edge of his desk, who has a look of confusion and fear. Erin moves to stand in front of him, puts one hand on the nape of his neck, the other fists his shirt pulling them together.

At first Jay is startled by the kiss, mainly because their co-workers are watching them. Then he reacts normally, one hand on her hip and the other is palm flat, fingers spread against her back. The kiss is simple but she draws it out as much as she can before Voight tries to kill Jay again. And it's almost as if Jay can read her mind, because in that instant he pulls away. He doesn't bother to look around at anyone, he doesn't move. He just tries to realize that they just kissed in front of everyone and he's still in one piece.

"See! I knew there was something going on." Everyone's stares switch between Jay and Erin to Olinsky. "And that, that is a look that an old married couple has."

* * *

They have another bust to do and the whole team is ready to breach the house when Burgess radios.

"Atwater's on foot in pursuit of the suspect down the back alley." Ruzek, Voight and Olinsky ran to the alley, leaving Jay, Erin and Antonio at the house when there's another radio in. "Shots fired! I repeat. Shots fired in the alley!" Erin's heart drops, she could hear the fear in Burgess' voice. It's the same way her voice gets when Jay goes out of her sight.

Once it's confirmed that they have the suspect, Erin, Jay and Antonio meet the others in the alley. She sees Atwater laying against a wall and Burgess putting pressure on his abdomen, waiting for the paramedics who seem to take forever. She flashes back to Jules, how she thought they were never going to show up. Burgess is fighting back tears, not wanting to seem weak in front of her partner, or any of the detectives. And Erin thinks that she could never be that strong if it were Jay.

She needs to make sure he is alright, for her sake and his. Erin walks over to Jay, who is standing against another wall. She squeezes his arm, letting him know that it's going to be a rough night. Because that could have been any one of them.

They all stay with Burgess in the waiting room. They're all seated in the three sided room, Burgess then Erin with Jay closely next to her, with Ruzek and Olinsky on another side, and Voight and Antonio across from Jay. Every now and then Erin looks over at Jay, as if to make sure he's still there. His gaze catches hers and he sees the pain, the fright in her eyes. He wishes he knew how to comfort her but he doesn't, so he simply holds her hand and hopes for the best.

Erin sits with an arm around her shoulders until Burgess excuses herself down the hall. Erin glances at Jay then leaves in the opposite direction. He knows to give her some time to herself, but after ten minutes he starts to get worried. Searches down all of the hallways until he finds her on a bridge, staring out to the skyline. He sees her tear stained cheeks, make-up all messed up, and some blood from Burgess' hands found its way to her jacket. He can see that she is shaking, not just her hands this time, but her whole body. Jay waits for her to speak, not knowing if she's ready.

"It could be you, you know?" She turns to look at him. "That could be you in surgery." Jay turns her fully towards him and grabs her shoulders.

"But it's not. I'm right here, Erin. I'm fine." Erin nods, tears filling up her eyes, burning to pour out. Until one finally does, and the rest follow. Jay pulls her in close to him, trying to make her realize that he is fine.

When they finally make it back to the group no one bothers them. They take the two empty seats in the corner and wait. Ruzek left to get food sometime while they were gone. When he came back he sat next to Burgess and handed her some candy. They all laughed at the rookie, "What, it was all they had!" Even Burgess managed to laugh at him until,

"Family of Kevin Atwater?" Not one of them stood up faster than Burgess. "His surgery was touch and go for a while but he's stable now. He lost a lot of blood and is going to be in serious pain for a bit." He rambled on about medical stuff that no one knew. "He's sedated but you can see him if you would like." Burgess nodded and followed the doctor to his room.

Erin turned around to Jay who was standing immediately behind her. She put her head in the crook of his neck when he pulled her into a tight hug. "Voight's gunna see." She felt him shrug.

"I don't care, all I care about is that you're safe." She felt him inhale deeply. Erin pulled back and stood next to Jay, still tucked against him.

"Hey you two should go home." Voight didn't seem mad. "I'm going to wait with her for a bit." Jay nodded for the both of them, feeling the sudden need to be closer to Erin.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I'm not sure if I can wait two weeks for this new episode

Don't own it.

They were eating lunch in the breakroom when Voight told them to gear up because they were going to raid a suspect's home. The drive over was typical, him arguing to drive and her laughing, her trying to change the radio station and getting yelled at. He took her hand off the radio and laced his fingers with hers. Even when they arrived up he didn't let go of her hand, he put her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles. He was worried she would get hurt, but he's been worried a lot lately so she brushes it off.

While everyone else is clearing the house, Jay and Erin go to clear the garage. It was just a small, one car garage with a side door and the big front glass door. Jay took the front and Erin took the side, entering at the same time they both saw the same thing. The barrel of a gun, and then nothing.

* * *

Erin gasped for breath as she fought for her eyes to open, they felt heavier than usual. But when she got them open and lifted her head up she saw Jay against a wall in the corner.

"Jay!" Erin could barely tell that was her own voice, caught in her throat and rougher than usual. "Jay. Come on, Jay!" He wasn't moving, but she could see his chest rising and falling. Erin stood up, but felt as if she was about to fall back down, so she crawled over to him. She checked his pulse, feeling a strong and steady beat beneath her fingers. Next, she looked him over for other injuries, finding a gash on the back of his head and a gunshot wound on his thigh.

Erin stood up to feel for a light switch, sliding her hands up and down the wall looking for it. After turning it on, she regrets it completely. All of the walls and the floor was concrete, there were no windows and the only door was made of steel with no handle on the inside. The only thing that could lift her spirits was when Jay. As if on cue, he groaned in pain.

"Jay." Erin moved as fast as she could over to him. "Hey, slow down there buddy. You have some serious injuries." When he finally opened his eyes, she saw fear and confusion in them. He tried to say something. "Don't bother. I've looked around and we're stuck here." Jay nodded, accepting the fact that they could be here for a while.

Erin moved in to sit close next to Jay. "They'll find us, Erin. Don't worry, I know Voight wouldn't give you up that easily." He felt her nod on his chest, "I won't give up on you that easily."

* * *

Voight radioed in for the team to meet up after they clear the house.

"Where's Lindsay and Halstead?" The rest of them shook their head, shrugged some shoulders. "Lindsay, what's your location?" The only response he got was static from the responding radio. His blood ran cold even thinking about something happening to her. "Antonio, I want teams searching the area. Two of our own are missing with our suspects." Dawson nodded at his boss, glancing at the two other men beside him.

Ruzek looked terrified, as he well should be. As a rookie, you experience your firsts on the job: first shootout, first collar, first hostage. He just never expected his first missing persons would be Lindsay and Halstead, especially in Voight's unit.

Olinsky tried not to be too upset, but the older man thought of Halstead as his own son. He'd taken Jay under his wing when he first joined Intelligence, knowing he wouldn't know how to deal with Voight. Over time, the two grew closer, and Jay began to open up to him about the war and even asking for advice about Erin. Alvin knew that those two had something real, something that neither of them really knew about. And he knew Jay needed this to work with her.

Voight didn't even try to hide how scared he was. Erin was family to him, she would always be family to him. He saved her from herself when she was younger, and in a way she saved him too. He was losing himself after his wife died, and Justin was already off the rails. Even just the chance that something could happen to her, made him quiver.

* * *

Jay was leaning against the wall in the corner of the room, he had Erin's head resting on his chest and her finger intertwined with his. After what seemed like a few hours, light shone across Jay's eyes, waking him up from whatever sleep he just got. He moved slowly, partially as to not wake up Erin and partially trying not to hurt himself. He saw that the door was slightly opened, and there didn't seem to be any shadows. Jay tried to get up himself, but he was in far too much pain, so he decided to get Erin's help.

"Erin, wake up. The door's open and I don't think anyone's there." She started to stir slightly. "Come on Erin. We can try to get out of here." After that, she was already up and helping him. They were out the door and nearly outside when they started to hear the men behind them yelling. Jay turned around as they made it out of the doorway, spotting the five men running at them with guns. He was in so much pain, he knew he would slow Erin down trying to get out of here.

"Erin! Go without me. I'll never make it!" He saw that she started to cry.

"No Jay!" She shook her head at him. "We're partners! In every friggin sense of the word, that means I won't leave you behind!" Erin grabbed his arm to help him run, "we can do this Jay, trust me."

The two of them kept running, even when they heard the trucks start, they never slowed down. Running through a field, into the woods, finally stopping in a hollowed out tree in the river. Jay's eyes were scrunched shut in pain, he was clutching his thigh where the gunshot was. The only positive thing Erin noticed of his current condition, he wasn't having an anxiety attack.

Seeing how bad his wound was made her cringe. She needed to help him, she took off his belt, leaving him curious as to what she would do next. She wrapped it above his wound, quickly pulling it tight before he noticed what was going on. He started to scream, Erin didn't know what to do because she didn't want the men to hear them, but she didn't want to keep hurting Jay. So she covered his mouth with hers, muffling his screams and trying to bring some pleasure to him.

Erin pulled away once he calmed down. She moved to sit behind him, letting him rest his head against her chest and allowing her shaking hands to find his shaking as well.

"They'll find us, Jay. I know they will." She ran a reassuring hand through his hair, leaving a kiss at the top of his head before they both drifted into unconsciousness.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer:own nothing

* * *

Jay doesn't remember much when he wakes up, but he realizes he's in a hospital bed. He's cold, everything's cold, except for his hand which is practical sweating. The hand that's holding his, tracing patterns into his skin, is clammy. Jay follows the hand to the body it belongs to and sees Erin asleep against the bed rail. She looks like hell, black eye, busted lip and a cut surrounded by a bruise that stretched across her cheek. He probably looked worse than she did though.

"Erin?" Her head was still on the bed rail when she opened her eyes. She picked her head up and just stared at him, tears threatening to roll down her cheeks.

"Jay." She stood and and ran a hand along the side of his face. "God, Jay don't do that to me again. You scared the hell outta me." Erin leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, breathing him in to reassure herself he was safe. Pressing her forehead against his, smiling that he's here with her.

"So what's the diagnosis?" He felt that gauze wrapped around his thigh and bandage covering the back of his head.

"Grade five concussion from the gash on the back of your head, which needed ten stitches, a bruised rib, two broken ribs and a gunshot wound to the thigh." Tears started to build up in her eyes again, remembering what they went through. "The broken ribs and gunshot wound needed surgery to fix, but nothing too serious anymore." She gave him a small smile.

"How'd we get out?" Jay knew this would be difficult for her, hell it'd be difficult for anyone.

"Voight and Antonio. I don't have the whole story yet, all I know is that somehow they tracked down those men and they told them where we ran off to." Erin took a breath, recomposing herself. "One minute I'm lying down in a tree with you and the next im sitting in a ambulance with Voight telling me to stop moving and Antonio telling him to back off. He didn't want me to go with you, eventually I did because I refused to get checked until you did."

A rush of doctors and nurses entered his room, pushing Erin out much to her dismay. They kept asking him questions, poking him, reapplying new bandages. He didn't want to answer their questions, he just wanted Erin back in here. His eyes jumped to the door when it opened, expecting her to be there with a smirk and a cup of coffee. Instead she's empty handed, and looks pretty pissed off.

"Lindsay." She looks into his eyes from where she is, leaning on the door. Jay can see the tears building up, burning to escape her eyes.

"Come here, Linds."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. I promise." She makes her way over to the space he made for her. Careful not to touch his ribs, even if the hurt ones are on the other side.

"Jay, what if we're just kidding ourselves with this," she motioned to the space between the two of them. "We have a dangerous job, in probably the most dangerous unit. And I've already gotten shot, and you just got shot, and a concussion, and a broken nose, plus two broken ribs and a bruised one. We were kidnapped, Jay!" Now Erin was sitting up facing him, trying not to get too angry. "What if next time something happens, it's worse that a grade five concussion and a couple bad ribs. What if you don't make it out alive? Do you know what that would do to me Jay? It would destroy me!" The tears were pouring down her face.

"Is this about Jules?"

"Don't. Don't try and bring her up right now. You know she was the closest thing I had to a sister, Jay." Erin started shaking with sobs and Jay just held her close, resting her head in the crook of his neck. "I always used to talk to her about you. I used to say how it scared me when you wouldn't open up about things. And then I told her that I thought I had feelings for you. Even back then she told me to go for it, but to be careful of dating a cop. God, I wish she could be here. And every time i think about her, I think about how I had to tell her husband," Erin choked back about sob. "I just never want to be on the other side of that Jay." He felt his gown soak up her tears.

"Then we deal with that when the time comes. But right here, right now. I'm okay and you're okay. That's all that matters right? I love you Erin Lindsay. Nothing will change that, and I will do everything and anything to make sure that I come home with you at the end of the day. Don't ever doubt that."

"I know, Jay. I love you too."

Jay can feel her breathing even out into deeper breaths. He keeps his arm wrapped around her, keeping her close to his side. He doesn't move her away, even when Voight comes through the door to sit next to him. He can see Voight watching Erin sleep, sighing when he sees the slow rise and fall of her chest.

"How's Atwater doing?" Jay made sure to keep his voice down, as to not wake up Erin.

"Good, he should be released within the next couple days."

"Good, that's good." Jay nodded, not really knowing what to say.

"Burgess, she really cares about him?"

"They're partners, they have each others back."

"Partners huh?" Jay nodded. "Well some partnership. She barely leaves his room, kinda like Erin here."

"They went through the academy together. They're both from out of state so they've become close friends."

"Close friends? That why she was so upset when he got shot?"

"He's her best friend."

"You know? I've never really understood why people get so close to cops, they could get killed every time they leave the house."

"How much of that did you hear?" Jay knew he was standing out there listening to them.

"Enough to know that you really care about her, but she's right Halstead. If you ever get hurt again and she's not there, I'm not sure she would be able to handle it."

"I know, and I love her. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I know, she has a dark past, but so don't I. Being in the war, I saw stuff that I wish I could forget, but I can't. And every time I wake up screaming, she's there to bring me back. I honestly don't know what I would do if something happened to her." Jay looked down at her, seeing how calm her face was. All of the lines were gone, and she just looked so peaceful.

"I know I don't have to tell you this, but I need to because she's like a daughter to me. So if you break her heart, I'll make sure you don't forget it." Voight stood up and started to walk out when he turned back to Jay. "I know that you've only been together a couple of months, but you have my blessing for whenever you need it."

"Thank you. It really means alot that you're okay with this. To both of us." Voight nodded and walked out, quietly shutting the door behind him after taking one last look at them. Voight could tell that Jay has the best intentions, the way he looks at her and talks about her. He loves her and would never do anything to jeopardize that.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N:Sorry itve been so busy with school I could only write small pieces at a time.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned this show..or just Jesse and Sophia

"You up to any visitors?" Atwater stood in Jay's doorway smiling.

"I mean I'm not good company, but you're welcome to stay." It was good for Jay to see him up. "You breaking out today?"

"Nah man don't need to. I'm released, just finished signing my discharge papers. I'm just waiting for Burgess to get me." Jay saw Atwater smile a little bit when he said her name.

"So are you guys.." Trailing off, Jay hoped that the other man know what he meant.

"Kinda," Atwater stopped and smiled. "She's great. And I love being with her, I just. I don't know. It just seems to me that she just wants something casual."

"When me and Lindsay were at the bar with Burgess, she seemed like she wanted something more than casual." Jay noticed Erin talking to Burgess in the hallway. "Just give it a try man," Erin glanced over at him and smiled. "I did, and God knows it was worth it."

The two women walk into the room before Atwater can get another word in. Erin immediately makes her way over to Jay, kissing his cheek and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Burgess walked over to Atwater to take his bag. He cupped her face with his hand, he smiled gently bringing his face down to hers and closing the space between them. Burgess was surprised at the kiss, then closing her eyes immediately and returning the kiss.

"Glad you're feeling better."

"Well you know, can't leave my partner by herself for too long." He pulls her into a hug, placing his chin on the top of her head. Atwater glances over to the couple sitting on the bed and smiles at Jay.

"Come one partner, let's leave these two alone." They said their goodbyes, leaving Jay and Erin alone.

"They seem happy," Erin moved next to him, tucked into his side.

"Yeah." Jay smiled down at her, wondering how he got so lucky, placing a kiss in her hair before sleep overtook them both.

Two days later, Erin was sitting at her desk when Voight walked up to her.

"How's Halstead?" He knew that she was still upset with him, but Jay was one of his best detectives and he cares for both of them.

"He's doing better. Yesterday the doctor said that he would be running tests this morning, and if everything came back good he could go home."

"You should stay home with him for a few days. I don't care how long it takes, just make sure he gets better."

"Hank, thank you." Erin knew he cared, and he was just trying to protect her. But she didn't need it, she really loves Jay.

"Just make sure you're taking care of yourself kid, I know you spend a lot of time there. Just make sure you're still, you know, eating, sleeping, showering." She nodded, "Just because he's not well, doesn't mean you can't be."

* * *

"Yo, Lindsay wait up." Erin turned around to see Antonio jogging towards her. "How's Halstead doing? Laura wants to bring something by when he gets home."

"You guys don't have to do that, really."

"Erin," Antonio stopped her in her tracks and grabbed her shoulders. "You're both family. I know you have Voight, and Jay has his family, but you're both a huge part of ours." Erin smiled at him, "come 'ere" he pulled her into a hug.

"I was going to visit him, why don't you come with me?"

* * *

They walked down the hall together, laughing at how Ruzek got locked in the cage with their suspect. All of a sudden, a group of nurses and doctors ran into Jay's room.

"Erin! Wait!" Antonio chased after her, hoping she wouldn't get into the room. "Erin! Stop!"

She stood in the doorway, one hand covering her mouth and the other shaking by her side. Her legs buckled, dropping to her knees. Antonio held her against his chest before looking into the room to see Jay standing in the middle of the room.

"Halstead?"

Jay didn't even notice Antonio or Erin on the ground.

"Erin?" He made his way over to her as fast as he could,limping off his good leg. Antonio helped her up off the ground and into Jay's arms, immediately sobbing into his shirt.

"I saw the nurses run in here an and and I heard the beeps" she could barely choke this out through her sobs.

"Hey hey hey, look at me, I'm fine. Better than fine I'm great." Erin looked him up and down, noticing that he was dressed in his jeans and leather jacket.

"Why did everyone run in then?"

Jay chuckled a little. "I ripped all the wires off when I was changing."

"Wait," it took Erin a second to make the connection in her head, " you're coming home?" His crooked smirk grew into a giant smile. Jay pressed his lips against hers, smiling against her lips. Breaking the kiss, Jay pressed his forehead against Erin's before greeting Antonio.

"Thanks for taking care of my girl, Dawson." Jay stuck out a hand to the other detective.

"Anytime." The older man shook Jay's hand. "But that doesn't mean you can keep getting shot or kidnapped or anything like that." Jay laughed and shook his head, but Erin didn't. She didn't think anything about this was funny. Jay noticed how she suddenly got quiet, how she looked like she wasn't all there.

"So who's gunna wheel me outta here and into bed?"

"Whoa man, I'll roll you to the car, Lindsay can take care of the rest." Antonio tried to lighten the mood, also taking note of Erin's quiet behavior.

* * *

They walk into their apartment after Antonio drops them off. Kicking off their shoes, Erin makes her way to the couch as Jay gets a water for himself and a beer for her.

"Here," he hands her the beer. "You need it babe." He plops down next to her, slowly stretching an arm around her without causing too much pain himself. "Come on Erin. Talk to me," he begins to plead.

"I can't sleep. The whole time that you were in the hospital, and I was here by myself, I would try to sleep. But everytime that I closed my eyes, I could picture us in that basement and the river."

"But we're not there anymore. We're safe."

She pushes herself up from the couch, "but we're not safe Jay! Everyday we risk our lives, we risk everything to help people. But sometimes I wish we could just stay in bed where we are actually safe." Erin walks through the bedroom and onto the fire escape, sitting and dangling her legs over the edge. Jay sits next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she leans on his chest, staring out into the city.

"I want you to be okay, Erin." Jay watched her as she stares straight towards the city. "I want you to talk to me, keeping it bottled up isn't going to do any good. Trust me." She glances up at him."Fine you want me to start?" He felt a nod against his chest.

"2010, I think it might have been August. I was deployed to Iraq for my first tour. I think it was only two years after Tommy died when I saw this little boy running in an alley. The hair, the pale skin, I knew it couldn't be him, but once the boy turned around and I saw those eyes. No one else has eyes that blue, and isn't related to me somehow. I left the tank and just chased after the boy. I even called out '_Tommy! Tommy come home!'_ The tank had stopped and the kid turned around. He was covered in dust and blood. And his eyes, they were a dark brown. I just- I was so sure that it was him, that I put my life in danger to chase after one that had been gone for so long already." He could feel Erin looking up at him as he sucked his bottom lip in and tried to will the tears away.

"Jay," She wiped away the single tear that was shed and turned him to face her. "It's okay to miss Tommy." He nodded his head and chuckled a little bit.

"How did this turn into you comforting me?" They both shrugged it off

"Jay?" He replied with raised eyebrows. "Can we stay out here?" His smile grew as he climbed back through the window. Returning a few seconds later with blankets and pillows, he set the pillows against the wall and laid out the blankets before wrapping one around themselves.

Erin rolled on her side,wrapping an arm around Jay's abdomin. As their eyes met, she leaned up to press her lips against his,sliding both her hands up onto his chest. His tongue teased the corners of her lips, slowly finding hers as his hand knotted in her hair and the other grabbed her hip. He broke the kiss, staring into the sky as she watched him hold everything in.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N:Sorry that this took so long, I've been catching up on school work.

Disclaimer: you know the drill, nothing here's mine

Jay had been home two days when he told Lindsay to go back to work. If he needed anything, he would call her. It was around lunch time when she called to check in on him. She sent him two texts, which went unanswered. Three phone calls, straight to voicemail. Erin began pacing in the bullpen with everyone watching her from their desks. "Lindsay, calm down he's fine."

"But what if he's not," Erin's harsh whisper had turned into a yell towards Ruzek. "He could be bleeding out in the bathroom for all we know!"

Antonio put a hand on her shoulder as he stood behind her and whispered in her ear, "Platt said someone's downstairs to see you." He saw the younger detective's eyes light up as she ran down stairs. She made it through the fence and stood atop of the stairs watching Jay, completely unharmed, try to sweet talk Platt.

"Come on Sarge, let me just bring lunch up. You can walk up with me!"

"Nope," Platt kept shaking her head. "You're still signed into disabled time. Until Voight tells me you're clear, you're not going up there. I don't care if it's for the queen of England." Erin laughed as she made her way down the stairs and over to the argument.

"So you couldn't answer any calls or texts because you were getting my lunch?" Platt watched the interaction between the two.

"Erin! Hi! How's your day going?"

"It would have been better if I had a real lunch," she was still staring at Jay.

"Oh that's your lunch? Well then go right ahead!"

"Thanks but I think I'm going to step outside for a minute." Her gaze glanced over Jay, nodding towards outside. "What the hell!" Erin waited until some uniforms passed by before continuing. "I thought you were dead Jay! After everything we've been through, you can't just ignore my calls."

"Listen Erin, I'm sorry. I wanted to surprise you and bring you lunch. I've felt great today. My ribs are doing better, my head doesn't hurt as much."

"You haven't been cleared to drive. How'd you get here?"

"I walked."

"That's 17 blocks Jay!" She looked at him like he had three heads. "Your thigh isn't completely healed yet, you could have pulled the stitches!"

"Erin, I feel great. I'm going back to the doctors Saturday morning so they can check the wounds. Then hopefully after that, I'll be cleared for work."

"Jay you sti-" whatever she was trying to say to him got cut off by Olinsky.

"Erin," he paused to nod at Jay in greeting. "Voight's looking for you up there. There's been a break."

"Alright I'll be right, I'll be right up." She turned back to Jay. "Either wait here for me to drive you back, or have Burgess and Atwater do it." Jay began to protest against her. "You're not walking another 17 blocks Jay!"

"Fine fine. I'll grab a ride." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Promise me you'll be safe?"

"Like always."

* * *

Erin was sitting at her desk, watching everyone head out one by one. Voight patted her on the back telling her to get some rest. Olinsky and Antonio instructing her to go home to Jay. And Ruzek telling her she looked like hell. They were probably right. She sat in her car thinking about how lucky she was to have Voight and Jay.

The victim in their case, a seventeen year old girl found in an alley. She had fresh track marks on her arms from using, and as soon as Voight had seen the girl, he thought about taking Erin off the case. She pulled her car away from the station and towards her home, but she couldn't help but think of the girl. The situation of the dead beat parents, turning towards drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of a broken family. Only this girl didn't have someone like Voight to save she even realized it Erin was turning onto her street and parking across the street from their building.

Jay heard the familiar car pull up and park as he made his way to the window. The moment he saw her lean her head against the steering wheel, he knew it was going to be a rough night. So he grabbed a jacket and boots, as it had started pouring rain, and went back to the window. He saw Erin sitting on the street leaning against her car and he ran out of the apartment and down the stairs to the street.

"Erin!" She didn't even look up at him. So he jogged across the street at a pace that strained his thigh. "Erin? Babe, what's wrong?" He knelt down to be level with her. "Come on Er-, ou gotta talk to me here."

"She was me." She could barely get the words out between sobs. "I was her before I met Voight." When she began to shake, Jay put his jacket around her and helped her back to the apartment.

"Go get changed and I'll make you some tea, alright?" He pressed a kiss on her head before pushing her towards their bedroom. A few minutes later, Erin still had not come out of the bedroom, so Jay brought the tea to her, hoping to help her calm down. "Erin?" Jay looked around, first seeing a pile of her soaked clothes, then seeing her sitting on the bed wearing one of his shirts and her sweatpants.

"Babe?" Jay put a gentle hand on her shoulder, making her jump as if she didn't know he was there. She mumbled a quick thank you and sipped her tea before putting it on the side table. Jay pulled her further up the bed and into his arms. He watched her, wondered where her mind was going. He pressed a kiss to her temple before wrapping themselves in blankets. Erin rolled over on her side, keeping Jay close behind her she intertwined their fingers and held them against her chest, squeezing his hand every few seconds until eventually falling asleep.

Jay woke up around 4:15 in the morning to Erin screaming and thrashing around in the bed. Immediately realizing what was happening, he pinned her down. A few moments later, his eyes lock with hers and he sees the fear in them. They laid back down, she put her head on his bare chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Talk to me, please Erin."

"I was fourteen, Voight caught me buying from a low level dealer. He decided he didn't have anything to charge me with since I had no money or drugs on me. But he gave me his card if I ever wanted to get clean." Erin took a shaky breath in. "I called him a week later, asking for help. We met in a diner in Armour Square, I was shaking so bad and I wanted to run but I know that I needed help. He took me in and you know the rest." She gave a sad smile up to him.

"Erin, you need to talk about this kind of stuff. Keeping it bottled up won't help." She nodded in response.

"So the girl today, seventeen and had fresh tracks on her dead in the same alley I was caught buying in. I just- I wish there was something that I could have done to help her."

"I know babe, I know." Neither of them fell back asleep, they just stayed in bed simply to enjoy each other's company and sense of safety.


End file.
